Those of you who really know me will already know this but 13 yrs ago today I threw Jons push bike into the back of my silver mondeo and drove off towards his flat. It was pouring with rain and I felt sorry for him. We sat outside his flat chatting for ages before he got out retrieved his bike and arranged to go out for a drink a few days later. It seems such a long time ago yet strangely in others just yesterday. We've come a long way in that time, we've laughed and cried and probably secretly planned each others murders (I know I have) but we are still together and we still care enough to fight occasionally. That last statement is true in my opinion - how many people do you know who don't? They sit silently doing their own thing and do not really understand what is going on in their partners heads. With me a lot of it I would actually prefer not to know as its a weird mix of Steven King and reversed reality but I'm still here all the same.
At what point do you give up on a relationship? At what age do you become to old to wipe the slate clean and start again? And how much of wanting to do this is purely for selfish reasons when in actual fact the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side despite how much it appears to have been weeded. I have seen friends who have seemed to have such exciting sparkly lives, complete with 'made to measure' curtains and 'perfect children' suddenly reduced to tears when they realise that their perfect daughter will probably smoke a cigarette, bunk off school at least once and will shout 'I wish I was an orphan' when you ask her to tidy up her bedroom at 12. All of this has happened to me with mine but they have developed into decent adults despite a few traumatic years in-between, all the same.
I was bought up correctly by parents who explained marriages were bloody hard work, life was not a Disney movie and that towels don't actually hang themselves back up. A degree of patience is needed and most things can be solved if not, at least helped with a sense of humour. My mum and dad laughed a lot and I always envied that as I missed laughing in my first marriage. Once I had met Jon and he managed to lift me into his kitchen sink before turning on the cold tap shouting 'washy bum bum' to my near hysteria I actually realised just how much! And to be honest we haven't really stopped laughing since. Suddenly with one look he can reduce me to giggles - we can be on a train and I know what he is thinking and he does me. The initial excitement tummy turning weak knee'd feelings have been replaced by a feeling of security, a feeling of belonging and a feeling of achievement as finally after all the years of misery I have someone who 80% of the time I like spending time with - I think 100% is possibly a bit much to ask for eh?
Don't get me wrong this isn't a Mills n Boon lifestyle choice - I do like the occasional night out with girl friends and The odd shopping trip with my daughters but a lot of my friends who lived life 'through their kids' suddenly find themselves married to a guy they know nothing about. A guy who they once had feelings for before they then became so involved with cubs, guides and gym clubs they lost all interest.... that in my opinion is sad. It's so important to see each other as individuals not just parents. To make time for each other as well as with the kids this is something that we did as we both had the foresight to do as we had both learnt that lesson the hard way.
So today it's our anniversary of being together 13 years and we waited 9 years before we married as we both didn't see the need and my dear departed mum in-law is the reason we did at all in fact. I knew then that it was not necessarily going to be bathed in the rose coloured glow most young people expect and once they have their perfect day in a long white gown things are a lot harder and then the real work begins....
Maybe they should realise that earlier......
Today has been a good day x
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