Tester pots, pom-poms and mayhem

Jobs it appears are like buses you get sod all and then two come along at once.... 

I have looked at the pros n cons of both and I am taking the one with less money but nicer hours. So no more late's or weekends for me for a while anyway as I will begin a new adventure - I'm not aloud to tell you what I will be doing as its a secret lol - no really I can't say but I can tell you its a totally new field for me with no selling at all! That's the best bit I think I must of wowed them in my interview as I've never done anything like this before but I think my daft sense of humour may have helped, when I was asked how I would deal with a challenging customer I replied I always swear at them this bought the house down and I think it sealed the deal.

So far after my adventure in hobby craft I have made the grand sum of two pom-poms! Not a lot no but a beginning I think and they look great sitting on top of my chest of draws. I just now need to think what I can do with them - I may well leave them where they are as they are kinda cute if a little impractical.

The worst thing to happen this week involves Horace our Bengal-cross male pussy cat who we both love so much. This week he has started earning his keep at last - the day before last I was watching 'pointless' on TV when in he walked in to the lounge complete with squealing mouse hanging out of his mouth. It wasn't nice I will tell you! He dropped it on the floor at my feet and it ran under the sofa and out the other side and into our hall. There is something about mice that turn me into a complete girl! Hysteria central I was as Horace chased this poor creature up and down the hall. I sat on the sofa legs above my ears (not easy at my age) whilst I dialled everybody I knew who could rescue me, until I found a kind soul who appeared 10 mins later. He turned up on my door step with a tea cup and saucer? Something I still don't understand and he proceeded to try and rescue the mouse. Unfortunately he wears a knee brace which squeaks when he moves so I was actually close to tears by this point as I was unsure what noise was him and what was the mouse! I can actually hear you all laughing!! It wasn't funny. The mouse escaped into our skirting board and I half expected him to wave as he vanished but - personally I was glad he had. My friend then said his goodbyes but I spent the rest of the evening with one eye firmly fixed on the floor. I still don't understand why he bought a bone china cup and saucer? I forgot to ask him in all the mayhem - He is funny really.

I am relieved I have secured work - honestly I am but I really am enjoying being at home with my cat and my house is beginning to look clean again. I've done my wardrobe as I wanted to - I've sent at least twenty bags to the charity shop. I've dusted hoovered and polished everything, even taking down the nets - it's kind of like living in someone else's house at the moment as its so clean. All I want to do now is the bathroom - so 'in a bit' I'm off to our local DIY store where I will look at the different colours 'again' and bring home patches/tester pots so Jon can refuse them all and ask for duck egg blue AGAIN the answer will be no of course and we will wait another 6 months but I am going to try...

Wish me luck 

Today it's been a cold day with a touch of humour x    

Friendships and lies

I have been doing a lot of research into other people's blogs over the last couple of days. A lot of different types from 'make-up' recommendations to some really disturbing all or nothing personal experience ones. A lot of them have more photos than words and I feel that as mine appears to be mainly words i am going to be working on maybe adding pics etc but for now I am sticking to the same format. Thanks to you Sal ... Sal incase you are wondering is a dear friend I met on twitter - she has persuaded me to continue for the time being at least, so thanks bird you won.....I'm still blogging ....

Friendships are a difficult subject for most of us to understand ....I've made friends over the years when at school college, gym etc,  but mostly within the work place and at the time they were so important but once either of us left that environment or work place thats it. maybe also after the initial catch up sessions we both realised the lesson that the only real reason we were friends was because we worked together and that all we had in common was our hatred for our boss/team leaders. is this to be expected? a natural occurrence to most people? Then again when however you have to explain such things to an Aspie such as Jon its hard. I've tried so many times to explain that people are not necessarily lying to him if a promise has been broken and that with the best will in the world sometimes people cannot do everything they say they will. But the disappointment is etched on his face every time it happens within his work environment.

I have visited the hairdressers and each time I build up a relationship with him or her and they assure me they will not be leaving, that they are happy in that salon - so I begin to trust them and ask for them personally  each time i visit and slowly they begin to understand what I mean when I say 'half an inch' only to find on my next visit they have left and nobody will say where they have gone! It's a difficult lesson to learn especially for Jon so its just as well he is bald...... but seriously when it comes to work it is so important to him he really cannot understand why everybody else doesn't feel the same about it. I have tried to explain most people 'work to live' not 'live to work' as he does 24/7. This he finds difficult - hard when he lets someone in to his world work wise and they dare to want to leave to pursue other projects - to him it feels like a dagger in his back and this he views as a very personal act against him. I've tried to explain each time that this isn't the case but he feels it 100%. If by some miracle we won the lottery I honestly believe he would work just as hard as he does now, I don't think he would change in the slightest. He would still worry about dead lines and would sit up all night trawling the Internet trying to read reviews of products before he buys them and we would have to look for bargains in the supermarkets. 

When we first got together we would get up really early on a Sunday morning and go and visit a large car boot sale a few miles from home. We loved the bargains, the fact we never knew what we were going to see and the fact we could make £10 go such a long way! Many things made there way into our place, books, CDs - you name it. We at one point or another bought it and our house quickly began to look like something or at least the  beginning of one of those dreadful hoarder houses that seem to crop up on TV now and again. We had a large collection of South Park figures I remember but over our time we learnt that we couldn't keep so much so most of it went the way of the charity shop. She was some snotty bint I remember who I vowed never to return to and have since found a different charity and a grateful shop manager who loves receiving parcels from us and often does. 

Friendships unfortunately cannot be taken to the charity shop once you no longer require them. You have to realise that not all people are as worthy of your attention as others and you have to learn that the good friends are worth the effort to keep in touch with. I have just or am just beginning to learn that one for myself and when I've learnt it I can try and explain it to Jonathan but that is going to be a difficult one to explain as its still so very hard  even for me ...... Let alone him 

Today has been a long day x

13yrs and no gold watch but a lot of laughs

Those of you who really know me will already know this but 13 yrs ago today I threw Jons push bike into the back of my silver mondeo and drove off towards his flat. It was pouring with rain and I felt sorry for him. We sat outside his flat chatting for ages before he got out retrieved his bike and arranged to go out for a drink a few days later. It seems such a long time ago yet strangely in others just yesterday. We've come a long way in that time, we've laughed and cried and probably secretly planned each others murders (I know I have) but we are still together and we still care enough to fight occasionally. That last statement is true in my opinion - how many people do you know who don't? They sit silently doing their own thing and do not really understand what is going on in their partners heads. With me a lot of it I would actually prefer not to know as its a weird mix of Steven King and reversed reality but I'm still here all the same. 

At what point do you give up on a relationship? At what age do you become to old to wipe the slate clean and start again? And how much of wanting to do this is purely for selfish reasons when in actual fact the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side despite how much it appears to have been weeded. I have seen friends who have seemed to have such exciting sparkly lives, complete with 'made to measure' curtains and 'perfect children' suddenly reduced to tears when they realise that their perfect daughter will probably smoke a cigarette, bunk off school at least once and will shout 'I wish I was an orphan' when you ask her to tidy up her bedroom at 12. All of this has happened to me with mine but they have developed into decent adults despite a few traumatic years in-between, all the same.

I was bought up correctly by parents who explained marriages were bloody hard work, life was not a Disney movie and that towels don't actually hang themselves back up. A degree of patience is needed and most things can be solved if not, at least helped with a sense of humour. My mum and dad laughed a lot and I always envied that as I missed laughing in my first marriage. Once I had met Jon and he managed to lift me into his kitchen sink before turning on the cold tap shouting 'washy bum bum' to my near hysteria I actually realised just how much! And to be honest we haven't really stopped laughing since. Suddenly with one look he can reduce me to giggles - we can be on a train and I know what he is thinking and he does me. The initial excitement tummy turning weak knee'd feelings have been replaced by a feeling of security, a feeling of belonging and a feeling of achievement as finally after all the years of misery I have someone who 80% of the time I like spending time with - I think 100% is possibly a bit much to ask for eh?

Don't get me wrong this isn't a Mills n Boon lifestyle choice - I do like the occasional night out with girl friends and The odd shopping trip with my daughters but a lot of my friends who lived life 'through their kids' suddenly find themselves married to a guy they know  nothing about. A guy who they once had feelings for before they then became so involved with cubs, guides and gym clubs they lost all interest.... that in my opinion is sad. It's so important to see each other as individuals not just parents. To make time for each other as well as with the kids this is something that we did as we both had the foresight to do as we had both learnt that lesson the hard way.

So today it's our anniversary of being together 13 years and we waited 9 years before we married as we both didn't see the need and my dear departed mum in-law is the reason we did at all in fact. I knew then that it was not necessarily going to be bathed in the rose coloured glow most young people expect and once they have their perfect day in a long white gown things are a lot harder and then the real work begins....

Maybe they should realise that earlier......

Today has been a good day x 

A crafty beginning

Hello again .....

I've spent a lot of time thinking this week and most of it about this blog where I have been very honest and open about my private thoughts and feelings. Some of this I possibly should not have done. After a rather nasty experience this week I really did consider not writing anymore as I kind of feel too expose so much of myself is rather foolish and I really don't wish complete strangers to know so much about me. It's easy while writing to imagine it's a diary only for your attention as I used to do many years ago. But this diary will not be hidden under my bed and locked with a key hidden in my knicker draw as its read in America and Russia and by people who don't know me nor will ever meet me. I haven't decided yet how I am or indeed if I am going to continue writing so openly which seems a shame as the one thing people have fed back is it is so honest - but like I said we will see......

Now enough of that as It seems I have secured another job! I don't start for a few weeks which is great as I need some time to recover and kick back a bit - maybe a few weeks to rest up and see all my dear friends who I have lost touch with. Loosing my friend Amanda has hit me hard and the fact I never said goodbye due to that terrible job has left a nasty taste in my mouth. If I could turn the clock back I would have gone but unfortunately that trick is only possible in films. Her family have kept her FB account going which is obviously how they cope but to see her popping up on my updates is difficult and a constant reminder she is no longer here.

I have an iPod I love it as it's full of odd tunes and albums ranging from country to pop. Trouble is I hate iTunes and have managed to wipe it clean twice. I really love the portability of this device and the way I can take so much music with me in the car. Jon however drives me mad as he flicks through my tracks moaning as I don't necessarily down load the entire album. Some I do but how many times have you bought an album only to be disappointed with the other tracks? So I don't ........ Jon however cannot understand this. The arguments this has caused are unbelievable, the sarcastic comments of disbelief as he finds another solo song not 12 have driven me to distraction but its MY iPod and I have told him so. He has gone out and bought his own now - he has spent the last three days walking around the house looking like Mickey Mouse (head phones) transferring over 55 of his precious albums on to it and loves it! In fact he now knows more about iTunes than I do which has been an adventure of frustration for him too. Music is such a personal thing, certain voices touch my soul but may not necessarily touch someone else's. So it's probably better we have separate devices and we stick to Pink Floyd in the car - we never argue over Floyd...

I have decided to get busy this week I went along to our local craft store and purchased almost my body weight in felt, wool, buttons, thread etc and I intend to make some brooches/rings. I have a crafty streak and at one point I owned my own kiln and ran a successful pottery business but that was years ago. I really fancy making again and I intend to use the next three weeks wisely even if I wear them all myself I will be happy. The excitement of having such beautiful colours and materials is addictive and I had to drag myself out of the store before I spent to much money. The allure of those places is amazing, all the possibilities of creation are endless and the magazines full of such beautiful designs and ideas.  These always shine so bright and seem so easy but in reality when you have super glued your fingers together for the ninth time complete with cat hair and the last bead you needed is under the sofa where the cat is headed things are not as exciting and you wish you had not started in the first places - well kind of......

I may paint the bathroom this week

I may tidy up the garden

I may sort out my wardrobe and I may even sort out the spare room. 

All these things need doing 

Our fence is hanging off and we now have an imposed full view into our dreadful neighbours kitchen and the antics that happen late at night. The garden is full of weeds, bamboo and untidiness - unfortunately I really do need to find my summer dresses so even though I now have some time in which to do these things all may not happen. I'm due to start pain therapy this week and actually have another interview as well. To suddenly have some time to do such things is weird but I cannot get to like it as it will make returning to work all the more difficult. I am however excited at the prospect of a new beginning and a new adventure and the hope it is nothing like the last one that was an adventure, no scrap that, an ordeal could have done without.

It's been a long week x 

A lesson learnt ....

Well those of you who follow me on twitter already know what happened to me this week. For those who don't and for my twitter followers I will explain properly as I have a few more characters on here.

I enjoyed the training for my new job immensely, the people were kind and I probably would have been fine I just hated the role and I mean I really hated it. I couldn't sell a rain coat to a millionaire in a downpour - I'm not that kinda gal. I hate cold callers myself such a sole destroying job but I was so unhappy at the bank. I thought I'd give it a go but after a few days I realised I wasn't suitable or pushy enough to get anywhere. I had begun to look for another job in the evenings and a few trusted twit friends had been told It wasn't working for me. I hadn't even told Jonathan I wasn't looking forward to that as he worries about me so much.

I was on the top floor with a lot of other people, the view was incredible but its a long way up and often one of the two lifts was out of action. This made me nervous as in a fire I would be in trouble. There was no way I could get down all those stairs , so I had to say something or did I ?.....

If you are disabled this is the big question you ask yourself the minute you apply for a job 'do I tell them?' They always ask - usually its on the application form somewhere between sexuality and religion. So what do you put .....you see your damned if you do and damned if you don't....

Some of you will tell me it doesn't affect your application and that employers are not allowed to discriminate but some of you know different. It's a horrific realisation that it will probably affect it quite badly and if like me you take regular pain killers you would be almost defiantly a liability therefore you probably won't even get an interview. I learnt this the hard way a few years ago when I lost the opportunity to work somewhere I really wanted to because I was honest and admitted I was a chronic pain sufferer. You could see the 'welcome to the firm' grin almost melt in front of my eyes as he made excuses and left the office leaving his secretary to inform me a letter would be in the post. It's very difficult to know precisely what to say I work bloody hard and have worked since I was 17 and am very proud of this. I am unable to walk far that's all. As long as I can stretch my legs often and am able to write things down whilst dealing with customers (memory training) I perform well.

So what do you do ? I don't know the answer to that question yet not 100% I suppose it varies as to the company involved as some are fab at diversity issues. I got the best support I have ever had at the bank that wasn't the reason I left. But unfortunately not all companies are as understanding as they were and not forgetting that I became ill whilst working for them (not related to my job), so I believe they had a duty of care towards me. I was spoilt in that respect but there were other issues that made me unhappy which in the end out weighed the support I was receiving. This is a decision I do not regret even in the position I am in now.

I was asked if my disability would stop me doing my job when I applied for this position. I answered no as that is the truth - it wouldn't however I was not aware of the location of the office at this point so it was a horrible surprise on my first day. The worry actually made me ill, that and the fact that by then I knew i had made a dreadful mistake - so I spoke to my manager as I had seen a sign to say a fire drill was imminent and told her that I couldn't walk down all those stairs. I was asked why i hadn't told them at interview and I replied I was asked if anything would affect my role and that there was no mention as to the location of the office this appeared to be the correct reply as I was told an evac chair was available. 

The following day I was unwell, I had some sort of a tummy upset that I suspect was bought on by worry due to the conversation the previous day and late that afternoon I was told not to return - via my agency as apparently my attendance was not at an acceptable level. I had already decided to leave and I was able to take comfort in that but the day after I had told them about my disability a coincidence? You decide for yourself ........ 

So I find my self applying for roles again, I'm not upset more relieved - Jon has been great and we will manage we have worked on my CV and signed up to a few agencies. I have emailed a lot of applications and I'm sure I will find something. I will not take just anything this time though I will hang out for the one position that I will be happy in. Ideally it would be local and supportive and I will perform well for them. I have to be happy at work at the end of the day you spend more hours at work than at home so its really important to be  happy and settled. I have NVQs in customer service a brilliant work ethic and within me a wealth of experience someone out there will give me a chance and for that I will reward them with loyalty and honesty.

My twitter followers have again kept me going this week. The support and encouragement I have received has been fab and at times overwhelming thank you from the bottom of my heart, so many times in the past I was unwell, lonely and in pain. I was desperate for a chat or a friendly word  unfortunately twitter was not available then but it should have been, life would have been so much better. 

My best friends in my iPhone are as always fab

I've learnt a lot this week x

Felt pins and perfume.

It's been a mixed up kind of week - good and bad in equal measure. The sun has been shining and the added luxury of a bank holiday weekend as well. Unfortunately the weather has caused a lot of people who probably shouldn't, to expose mountains of white flesh! I always find this hysterical but a sure sign our summer is on its way. It's been a bit of a long time coming but I'm really hoping for a good one.

Yesterday we briefly popped into town and I seized the opportunity to nip into my local department store to smell, touch, and spray all the beautiful perfumes - this is my guilty pleasure and I always do it. There is something kind of special about a spray of the most expensive scent for free, I think 'free' makes it smell better as well to be honest. Jon refused point blank to come in so I knew I had to be quick so I opted for my favourite -  Jimmy Choo - quick spray and out smelling gorgeous or so I thought...... 

I was greeted by a sniff and he curled up his nose like he had just emptied the cat litter tray. I was slightly irked to say the least but its my fault I should have realised. He finds most smells over-powering and I was promptly informed it was not a pleasant feeling. On the way home he asked for all the windows in the car to be opened and he held his nose. When I complained I was told it smelt like 'toothache' - how on earth am I supposed to translate that into my one dimensional brain? I therefore decided to leave my secret spraying to when I'm out with my daughters or alone. I ran a deep bubble bath and washed the whole lot off - so all I smelt of afterwards was soap.

These things after twelve-ish years shouldn't upset me really now, but they do. I miss air freshener, especially those foot ones for the car! I miss the plug in ones indoors and I miss the expensive room sprays at Christmas. I still use them occasionally when Jon is away though. I wonder do other Aspies hate some smells too? Or is it just mine. I love the smell of bread cooking or the smell of my ironing (when I do it) or the smell of dogs paws? (Yes it's strange but true) smells are a major part of my world including posh scent. Summer barbecues are another thing guaranteed to make me want one but its not so kind to my washing.

How would we both feel if He lived as me for a week and vice versa? Who would cope better? This is a subject that fascinates me. I don't think he could cope in my world, I think he would find it boring and if I had to spend time in his world maybe I'd totally loose it. So what is the better option? Neither of us REALLY understand how it is for the other and if we worry too much it would all become a chore. If I had to plan everything and always did the same things over and over again I would go crazy. Jon and I just work, its a carefully balanced mix of crazy and consideration. Most marriages are like this - my parents have two lounges! ....but I won't go that far not yet anyway. 

Today I watched The Life of Pi, I was very impressed and surprisingly moved. The bond formed between Pi and the tiger was beautiful, it has made me long for a bond like that. The kind of connection you get with an animal but our cat Horace has a bond with Jon! They are inseparable and Horace has defiantly calmed him down. 

I spent a lot of time this week trying to down size my wardrobe and all the lovely colourful things I have collected over the years. I did manage to fill a bin liner with unwearables but in doing so found lots of things I haven't worn in ages - Including some thinner cardigans. these needed cheering up so in the car we got and took a little trip to HandMade Studios in Rowlands Castle. A couple of 'bought' felt pins later and I have a revived summer wardrobe. I am very proud of my clothes and have rather a lot of them. I love getting up in the morning and choosing what to wear. Mixing and matching items and hopefully choosing a different outfit everyday. Somehow it's me and yes it maybe shallow but its the one thing that I won't let my fibromyalgia spoil. The tablets have made me gain a little weight which I am trying to loose but my heels, skirts and skinny jeans are staying as are my perfumes but just for when I go to work in future - as it's to expensive to just wash off......

Today has been a long day x

Steak and kidney pie

What a whirl wind few days it has been! New people, new computer system and lovely new hot chocolate that's the best bit by far. I have found the last few days slightly easier as the sun has such a positive effect not only on mood but pain levels as well. I expect one day I may want  to move abroad as a warmer climate really does make arthritis better not completely obviously but noticeably easier. 

The only thing that I am struggling with is a lack of tweetage - I miss tweeting and answering tweets! It's amazing how much actually - I miss my twit family and the support they provide. In the evenings I have house work and home work and a marriage as well for that matter. Also daughters and a cat - all wanting attention and time and all deserving of it too. But my energy supply is drained completely and to be honest I just want to climb into bed pull the duvet over my head and stop there - maybe until Christmas but I suspect I would be missed eventually and who would do the shopping? 

I had also considered not doing this blog anymore, I worried about how much to say - what to say etc, but after a lot of thought and some positive comments from readers I have decided to continue for now at least. In fact the positive comments were so lovely and so well timed because I have really been feeling my age this week plus about 50! Don't get me wrong, I'm not old by any strength of the imagination but when you are sat in training with youngsters who were born with a play station controller in their little chubby little hands I'm positively ancient. I am not stupid nor am I computer illiterate but I can struggle with the internal systems some companies use. Unfortunately sitting and asking the computer nicely as to where a certain bit of information is hiding doesn't work - mores the pity and trust me I have asked and pleaded this week. It seems passwords change themselves and the whole thing ends up being a bit of a nightmare. Eventually it will become second nature but I hope it will be before I get my free bus pass and my cold weather payment from the government.

Jonathan has had a few busy weeks as well and the stress of worrying about me has also taken its toll.- The air has been pretty blue I can tell you on quite a few occasions due to my patience wearing very thin but on the positive side its not as blue as when I decorate though that is very blue indeed. Shall I tell you more? 

I once had a meat pie thrown at me! It's really funny now but at the time I was very distressed - I had spent the whole day painting with sweat running down my face in a shower cap and a very old shirt. Jon had been at work and when he came home - being the perfectionist he is - decided to point out a 'run' to me. I dealt with that calmly but then he proceeded to remind me the brush strokes need to be all in the same direction! I'm afraid I saw red at that point and called him a few choice names - I was very angry indeed. Jon didn't appreciate my fragrant language much and threw his steak and kidney pie at me! He said he was off + he left his keys on the side and went out. I actually felt glad for all of five mins as I was really fuming then he was back after fifteen mins declaring he was cold. I had to laugh as its impossible to stay angry with him even when he makes my blood boil - it is often soon extinguished usually with him offering 'perfect' cups of tea.

In our new house I painted every ceiling and wallpapered every wall. I worked tirelessly for months starting early in the morning until very late in the evenings. I drove car loads of furniture on each visit whilst dealing with packing and all the other problems moving can bring. I work better under pressure and enjoyed the feeling of collapsing, totally shattered at the end of the day. I would sit staring at my newly decorated wall or ceiling with the euphoric feeling of 'I did that' in comparison to the same exhaustion I experience now just from doing a days work in the office whilst additionally feeling 'Blimey that needs painting'

One day I will do it but not today 

Because its been a long day x

Not enough spoons

This week has been one of very mixed emotions, I've had the excitement of starting my  new job mixed with the exhaustion of much longer hours. The funeral of my very dear friend and the frustration of being unable to have said goodbye. This has all unfortunately magnified my fibromyalgia symptoms and I feel totally wiped out. The house hasn't seen a duster all week, the fridge is empty and and poor Horace has been on his own a lot more than I would like. The positive side is I've not had any panic attacks and my new work buddies are lovely.

Jonathan got the full shift of my temper this morning because I hadn't parked square on in the parking space and it resulted in me nearly exploding with rage. We had the locking windows and door routine first and I had 10 mins to get into work before I got into trouble. I really didn't need it and to me it really wasn't necessary but I suspect to Jon it was a matter of great importance but I really couldn't deal with it today. I spent my morning trying so hard to listen afterwards but I kept being distracted by visions of Jonathan and the fact I had been so dreadful. Now don't get me wrong he would try anyone of you! but I shouldn't of snapped - its not his fault,

It's easy to say I will try harder or I will be more patient tomorrow, all of this to be honest I struggled with before but since my fibro diagnosis I have REALLY struggled. Its called the spoon theory apparently and the idea is you begin each day with a number of spoons. Each time you have something you must do - it costs you a spoon i.e. you learn to ration your spoons very quickly as once they have all gone that's it, well at the moment I'm used up until about bonfire night!! This isn't good at all I must learn to slow down and if I could grow to prefer an untidy house I'd be made up......

Fibro is such a dreadful thing, you can't talk about it - not really, people don't want to know oh, they make all the right noises to start with. You then get told to 'bore off' after a few weeks, so you smile and don't say a word when every muscle in your body is screaming in pain. Your head is always pounding and all you want to do is to crawl back into bed but even doing that is painful. I'm not asking for you to feel sorry for me at all but if I can gain one thing from bearing my soul it would be you don't have to look disabled to be disabled. I may have the right number of arms and legs but I am registered as disabled and I won't get better. I will have bad days and not so bad days but I will try to continue normally for as long as I can and I will travel! I long to travel whilst I'm young enough to really enjoy it.

On a lighter note Jon has volunteered to help me with the shopping tomorrow 

I can't wait.........

More over the weekend I'm tired today

It's been a sad day x 

Flat Earth and Flat Eric

I want to firstly sit back and breathe in calmly after what has been a rather hectic week. From this point last week when I frantically searched the 'wonder web' for a new job to today when I've got one starting Monday is a bit of a blur. I have been having chest pains for a while and under doctors advice I decided it was time to call it quits - so I didn't go back to my old role after taking a break. I feel relieved and a little excited as a new one brings challenges but I know I have made the right decision. I took the car in for its MOT as well on Monday and yesterday picked up a new(er) one so as you can see I've been busy. All the paper work that goes with buying a new car is ridiculous, that and dealing with 2 HR depts has made for an interesting few days I can tell you- that and the constant request for information, bank account details and dates has put me off doing this again for the foreseeable I can tell you.....

I spent a very worrying time last night as my youngest daughter who has only just passed her driving test drove all the way to Wales after work yesterday at 10pm - she is braver than I am. I drove to Bristol with Jon once and hated it - Bristol has so many roundabouts!! We spent the trip arguing and swearing and I ended up on the motorway to Wales when in fact we needed to beheading to the entrance to the Travel lodge in Bristol the other way It seems funny now but it was bloody stressful at the time Jon was so angry he didn't speak to me for hours - he said don't go that way whatever you do and I did......

The sun is shining today it really does help brighten up my mood, it defiantly improves my pain. I'm feeling a bit more positive for once, in fact the only upsetting thing is the last conversation I had with Amanda was that - I hated my job. We laughed about it, she told me to get another and that I would feel better once I had. Now I have and i am pleased but because of this I can't go to her funeral as it's in my first week - therefore its not acceptable to ask as I will be in training. I know Amanda wouldn't mind, in fact she would probably laugh but its upset me quite a lot as really - I should go, i want to go, mainly to say goodbye. Jonathan offered to go on my behalf, this moved me more than I can say as its a big thing for anybody to do but for Jon and his Aspieness its mega hard - I declined his offer but it was unknowingly sweet of him.

Today we went for our first walk along the sea front in the sun this year. This brought in itself a series of challenges including unruly children on scooters, teenagers and a group of rather drunken men who given a guitar seem to suddenly think they could sing. We walked into the park, found a bench tucked away from the crowd, listened, and laughed like idiots as they murdered everything from the Beatles to Blur. Some of the words were missing and some were incorrect but every note was slightly flat - very funny indeed. 

Talking about 'Flat' leads me on to our little friend - Flat Eric - do you remember him? I  will pop a picture on for you if I can work how to do it. He was part of a Levi's campaign I think years ago with 'sound track song' and Jon loves him. We went through a stage of buying one at every boot sale/shop we saw them in - we must have 20, all lined up on shelves in our house. We have all sizes from the tiny ones to the bigger sized ones. We even had one in the car and Jon stitched two sticks to its arms, one hands fingers into a 'V' sign and a fag on the one hand. When ever we went out driving he would have the stereo up with the proper music and make this Eric smoke whilst he sat him hanging 'lounging' out the window head banging to the beat - just as in the advert. The effect this used to have on other car drivers, pedestrians and passengers was very funny. Often they would initially point and laugh, hoot their horns or shout out - it really did cheer people up. Once we were driving home on the motorway and in the car in front were two little dogs. Well we followed them for miles making them bark with the Eric popping up and pointing. It was very funny as every time they stopped and settled down Jon would wave at them and they would go frantic, pure genius.  it was not dangerous of course but very funny, sometimes he has a lot of bottle and mischief. miss him actually doing this - maybe this summer we will start again as when he was doing that he ignored the speedo haha. Someone once asked why we had so many? "because they have different personalities " was the reply and how can you argue with that .......

Well I'm sorry I've not written as much this week but I hope to write a couple of times each week-  funny stuff and then again I will want to let you know how I get on with the job won't  I.

Today has been a good day x

 Some of our little Eric's .............

Productive Day

Well I'm here again, smiling much and very relieved. I really have made some decisions over the last couple of days including buying a new car. I have also decided to accept a new chapter in my life with open arms. So much time is spent at work and if you are not happy it's not productive nor beneficial - so I'm off to a new adventure and incidentally my fibro pain has lifted slightly since I made the decision. Jon is pleased for me and life on Walton's mountain is better. I have an unexpected few days off which I Intend to use wisely and some of which I will use to talk to you. I also intend to rest, well I intend to - Jon may well have other ideas...  Lets hope not 

I was laughing today as I was telling a friend about an incident that happened to me years ago at the theatre. I had gone into the ladies during the performance and the first cubicle was filthy mess up the walls etc so I shuddered and entered the second cubicle. Later I was at the sink washing my hands when an elderly lady walked into the area. She in turn walked into the first cubicle and muttered something under her breath. As she walked out she faced me and I announced very loudly "I just did that" she looked at me horrified and entered the second cubicle. Later on I realised she must of assumed I was bragging and had made all the mess! I really was horrified and I spent the rest of the performance with my collar up and slumped in my seat - it still makes me laugh. She must have told her friends I was a right dirty cow hehe.

Jon has an invite to show work in America so that's very exciting - so things appear to be looking up for us both. All we need now is for the elephants next door to quieten or a nice less vocal family to move in, but we are not counting are chickens just yet. It doesn't pay to do to much chicken counting from what I've learnt - it's a recipe for something else to happen and after the terrible scenes on the TV last evening from Boston and of course the big funeral tomorrow lets hope it all remains trouble free. 

I take delivery of my new car on Friday I hope it smells nice and the engine has a constant regular rhythm and pattern or we may well be taking it back but luckily the garage knows us and understands if I say 'he' says after one trip it doesn't 'taste right' - I don't mean he's  eaten some of it.....it's well -  'aspie' business 

Short blog tonight as I have had so much excitement I've warn myself out....

It's been a busy day x

Cat House (true story but gruesome) you have been warned

When Jon and I first got together years before we bought our own home we lived in temporary council property. We had 5 kids between us and things weren't easy to say the least eventually after begging our local councillor we were told there was a property available but it did need a good clean. We decided to go and view it despite the council woman telling us no keys were yet available. When we got there I was heart broken it was such a massive step down for myself as I had owned my own home for many years but we knew it was not for long and that we would be on the property ladder again as soon as we were able to. The area was shocking and it was in a really bad state, but it was a house with a garden and we did have kids so we reluctantly agreed to take it on. When we went to sign for it our housing officer we will call her Debra, told us that she had agreed to give us a budget of £50 towards bleach as the house had a dreadful smell but as I said we were desperate .....

I remember the day like it was yesterday the sun was warm and had heated the house accordingly. Thus had the unfortunate effect of making the smell unbearable but I set to work. All the skirting was scrubbed, as were the walls, floors and doors in fact every thing got the same treatment but the smell was still there. It was 'cat wee' really strong and it was horrid we decided the only thing we could do was to sand all the floors as we were convinced it was just a couple of pets that had not been house trained correctly.

We had a 50p slot meter for the electric many years after they had been replaced and the electric company told us they had not had access to the property since the 70s! We had no heating and the windows were all rotten. I became very distressed and a visit was arranged with a surveyor. Now I've worked every day since I left school I've never claimed anything but this chap had decided we were scrounges and he obviously did not want to do anything but he reluctantly agreed that work was to be done urgently. He agreed we could have a new bathroom and kitchen and a chippy to sort out the woodwork and the whole house was to be treated for dry rot - also all the windows were to be replaced and central heating needed to be installed. Nobody had had access to the property for the best part of 30yrs so you can imagine the state of it and he was annoyed that the budget was to be so expensive.

I decided to strip all the walls to help rid the house of its smell but unfortunately all the plaster fell off, yes ALL of it, it was blown in every room so out again he came and reluctantly agreed we could have the whole house replastered. it also needed to be rewired as well as the tradesmen had refused to use any equipment in the house as the electrics were so bad! I spoke to 'Debra' who informed me our moving date was to stay as it was and after many tears she agreed we could delay it but as we couldn't afford 2 lots of rent she wasn't happy. She also arranged for the plastering to be completed before the electrics and double glazing and I'm afraid this made me loose my temper - this woman was about 20yrs old and clueless. Even though I pointed out the stupidness of this she refused to change her mind.

So we couldn't do anything indoors because the house was full of workmen, so that left the garden, the grass was 3ft high and we could get on with that or so we thought .......

We got spades, forks shrubs etc but the ground was to hard so we could only clear some grass and we realised to our horror the surface was 2ft higher and made of cat litter! Yep cat litter! The whole garden was deep in it! rock hard, it was like concrete and it stank. On the same day whilst digging, Jonathan pulled out 3 old and tatty shirts which were buried deep in the dirt. He also pulled out several skulls, excitedly telling me they were from a cat and being Jon he was delighted!  It was like a ghoulish private time-team - lol - he had always wanted a cat skull but I was totally freaked by this and headed indoors - then after an hour he had found 3 more complete with 'other' boney parts! I was inconsolable, I shook, I cried and I felt sick - but luckily one of the plasterers who were by now friends told the surveyor and I forbid Jon to do anymore digging. The man from the council told us to stop, declares the garden a health hazard and said he would have to get professionals in to clear the garden.

A few days later the 'professionals' turned up - well 3 or them with black bin bags and a spade! On inspection they refused to do anything to help as it was such a huge job. Therefore a week later the mini diggers came and three more men in huge lorries. The whole garden was to be removed to a depth of 3-4 feet and replaced with fresh top soil. From that back garden over 100 dead cats were removed as well as numerous rabbits and small animals - each day was like something out of 'pet cemetery' and I will never forget it. It was a vile job for them and I will never forget Jon coming out with custard creams on china plates as the youngest workman was vomiting in the corner after opening an ice cream tub of cat soup - honestly it was horrific. The front garden was also removed more cats and a large dog departed and the whole lot left the street in large lorries.

I started taking anti depressants after this and I forbade my children from telling their friends as the shame began to sink in. I can only talk about it now as we now have our lovely home and the mortgage to go with it but I am just beginning to laugh about it. The whole episode was an embarrassment to the council and we were offered compensation  possibly to keep us quiet? not a huge sum but a bit more than the bleach she had agreed to immediately. A couple of months free rent and a patio - this turned out to be 12 paving slabs and a small amount of cement - deeply ironic when you think what can end up under patios! All in all the whole house had been rebuilt, it took 5 months and it was still horrible when finished but we stayed for about 4 years. To me it was never a home, we didn't have one of those until we bought this one - proudly! The biggest irony was when we moved out we were warned we had to leave it in the state it was when we moved in.......we didn't 

Now i don't swear a great deal but I did that day at 'dear old Debra' - unbelievably she felt she still had to say that line from the agreement out loud.........

Incidentally if you are wondering, the previous tenants were two old boys. They collected cats and had about 60 in the house, one brother died in the property, having been left for many months before his body was removed he 'travelled' a bit lets say and the other went senile, eventually being put into a home once he reached 85 I believe. I often look around our home now and smile that its ours, no skeletons in our garden, nor does it smell and we even have a cat but how we remained 'upright' during that time I will never know.

But if anyone mentions Stephen King asks to bury something in the garden I won't be responsible for my actions - we know all the jokes x