This week has been one of very mixed emotions, I've had the excitement of starting my new job mixed with the exhaustion of much longer hours. The funeral of my very dear friend and the frustration of being unable to have said goodbye. This has all unfortunately magnified my fibromyalgia symptoms and I feel totally wiped out. The house hasn't seen a duster all week, the fridge is empty and and poor Horace has been on his own a lot more than I would like. The positive side is I've not had any panic attacks and my new work buddies are lovely.
Jonathan got the full shift of my temper this morning because I hadn't parked square on in the parking space and it resulted in me nearly exploding with rage. We had the locking windows and door routine first and I had 10 mins to get into work before I got into trouble. I really didn't need it and to me it really wasn't necessary but I suspect to Jon it was a matter of great importance but I really couldn't deal with it today. I spent my morning trying so hard to listen afterwards but I kept being distracted by visions of Jonathan and the fact I had been so dreadful. Now don't get me wrong he would try anyone of you! but I shouldn't of snapped - its not his fault,
It's easy to say I will try harder or I will be more patient tomorrow, all of this to be honest I struggled with before but since my fibro diagnosis I have REALLY struggled. Its called the spoon theory apparently and the idea is you begin each day with a number of spoons. Each time you have something you must do - it costs you a spoon i.e. you learn to ration your spoons very quickly as once they have all gone that's it, well at the moment I'm used up until about bonfire night!! This isn't good at all I must learn to slow down and if I could grow to prefer an untidy house I'd be made up......
Fibro is such a dreadful thing, you can't talk about it - not really, people don't want to know oh, they make all the right noises to start with. You then get told to 'bore off' after a few weeks, so you smile and don't say a word when every muscle in your body is screaming in pain. Your head is always pounding and all you want to do is to crawl back into bed but even doing that is painful. I'm not asking for you to feel sorry for me at all but if I can gain one thing from bearing my soul it would be you don't have to look disabled to be disabled. I may have the right number of arms and legs but I am registered as disabled and I won't get better. I will have bad days and not so bad days but I will try to continue normally for as long as I can and I will travel! I long to travel whilst I'm young enough to really enjoy it.
On a lighter note Jon has volunteered to help me with the shopping tomorrow
I can't wait.........
More over the weekend I'm tired today
It's been a sad day x
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