Today started badly - awoke feeling very sorry for myself as the pain in my shoulders is still shocking. Jon produced toast and tea which was nice then I decided to check my FaceBook account and there it was - a very unwelcome advertisement for Mcarthy Stone retirement flats!! And my now 'not so close' friend suggested I take a look, bloody cheek I'm no where near that time yet and even when I am I will need to be tranquillised before I considered moving into one! I will be dying my hair red and wearing eye liner possibly into my seventies! I refuse to be seen without lipstick and would rather ignore the door than open it if I don't look my best. Shallow? No its just me and i refuse to let this bloody disease beat me ......
I suggested to Jon we went out for lunch, he very reluctantly agreed as long as we go some where not busy - so unpopular?? I politely informed him if we did that we may well get salmonella food poisoning as that may well be why the restaurant is not busy - which is not really a good idea and he found that funny. I am now waiting for him to decide which establishment we will visit. It's hard for him doing things at short notice especially if involves being out in the world with people - socially..... More later
We go.....I do wish sometimes though that we could do things together like parties and day trips with others but its never his thing. Its so hard watching your fella suffering to then try to enjoy yourself so I've learnt to appreciate other things instead and this seems to work well. I adore St Ives but to go in July could be horrendous - so we went on Christmas Day! It was wonderful we found a pub with a fire and had hot chocolate together, then afterwards we walked down to the beach and took hundreds of photos before heading to find seals. This is the type of pleasure I've grown to enjoy and all the rocks we have collected together have special memories. I soon forgot how cold I was or the fact my arthritis was terrible I just remember how much fun we had writing vast swear words in the sand.
For every negative I find I can find at least two positives and that fact keeps me going and I love the fact he is so knowledgable about things - I don't however appreciate the fact he argues with documentaries on the tv - that is a bit annoying, plus how when watching documentaries he says things two minutes before the narrator does!!! That really is annoying but that's something else I've got used to over the years. Don't all marriages need work, compromise and unselfish attitudes? It's no different with us really, I just need a regular top up of counselling every few years and some great friends as well.
My Twitter feed and followers have also really has helped the last couple of year. Through twitter I have chatted to other like minded people when I've been particularly down and depressed - there is always a friend to confide in. I call them all my 'little best friends who live in my iPhone' and some I really hope to actually meet some day. It's nice that if I don't tweet for a while people will actually check I am ok or to give me a 'shout' which basically tells all their followers to follow me. Many times I've considered dumping FB but not twitter, maybe a break now and again but never totally as I'm sure I would have gone mad without it.
Well we are back we settled on a local Carvery in the end. The pub was extremely busy but we got seated quickly. Jon was very uncomfortable in there, even shaking, but we managed to stay and I am now stuffed full of roast. It means a lot to me when we do go out because he obviously would rather not so we don't often venture out. Now and again we do - its a two way relationship - I don't do a lot because of his reactions to being with people but sometimes he does stuff he hates to please me - plus the food was great. Now I'm sitting looking at circuit diagrams making sure he solders the power supply up right - never boring.......
You know I never feel totally alone any more either, again that's thanks to twitter. it would be easy to just rely on these people for company but I feel it's time for me to branch out and do other things now. This could be a possible college course, the subject doesn't matter it's the going and doing that will. I will get some books tomorrow and see what's on offer - maybe I will do a technical history of German army WW2 vehicles - then that would be two of us making model tanks and spilling glue.........
No I don't think so either haha x
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