Living the dream ..... Yes really

Today I was fed up I went and got my nails done with bright red tips - they are fab. I'm glad I did I learnt a lesson whilst I was there, maybe I will share with you.....

I woke this morning in terrible pain, my feet were hurting - especially my toes. Recently they have started throbbing, they hurt so much it makes me cry and I don't understand why they do but after a few painkillers they calm down - today was such a day.

I start my new job on Monday and I always get my hair and nails done as a form of a confidence boost whenever i start a new role - so I decided that was going to be my mission for today and I set off to get them done. I love the nail bar, the banter, the smell and all the different polishes lined up to choose from - I feel like a kid in a sweetshop. Actually years ago I trained as a nail tech so I could do acrylics gels etc but I can't do my own any more. The pain in my fingers is excruciating due to my arthritis but the beautiful finished product outweighs the agony of having them done. I sit there thinking of all the different combinations I could have and I've never been disappointed once. The girls are Korean and beautiful and the animated way they chat is addictive to listen to, it sounds almost 'song like' as they giggle and chat their way through the queue. There is always a wait and the owner always shouts '5 minute!' when you ask how long you will have to wait - which is really funny because it never is but this always adds to the experience and I enjoy it enormously.

Behind me was an elderly lady in a motorised wheelchair, she didn't have a tooth in her head, a rather dark heavily back combed head of hair and huge 'Pat Butcher' style earrings. She was at least 90, heavily made up and she had the longest bluest nails I've ever seen. She sat watching from her chair for the usual 20min before a bay was cleared for her and then it was her turn. She looked at the boss of the shop and said really loudly 'That was the longest 5 bloody minutes of my life' and laughed so loudly she made all of us laugh too. Two guys had to help her out of her chair and across into the nail bar chair which they did and she laughed the whole time as the transfer took place. Eventually she sat next to me and I was struck by the appearance of her elderly frail hands, her skin was almost transparent and on every finger was a huge ring - most of which were gold. She was a rough diamond without a doubt but she was so fascinating to watch, so upbeat I felt ashamed of how my arthritis had got to me and just how low it had made me feel. She sat there for the best part of an hour and was the life and soul of the place. She had her nails painted, buffed and filed and they were the dirtiest nails I had ever seen but I admired that old girl she had obviously worked hard all her life. She is in there every week and it is her treat to herself, she has numerous mobility problems and was well past 90 but had more life in her than probably anyone I've ever met. I bet her rings weighed more than she did - she lost half her weight as the polish came off. She, in that hour taught me a valuable lesson, yes chronic pain is terrible but I have a sense of humour just like she has - that's my key to being happier. I must learn to channel it better to make it work harder and in turn it will help me to be more satisfied with 'my lot' as it were and this I will try to do ....

 Jon on the other hand is 'living the dream' - recently funny headline - really - he had a triple page spread in our local press -  if I can I will add a link on here so you can read it I am enormously proud of him and all he has done since we got together its about time the tide changed for both of us ....

http://www.portsmouth.co.uk/life/fighting-fear-and-living-the-dream-1-5141118

Today I've been mostly thinking x 

Bank Holiday ........Where? Sssh ........

'Bank Holiday' where? I've spent mine in my pyjamas crawling on my knees, sweating and stretching up in order to paint the bathroom. Finally after 7 years and allowing for one tiny corner that still needs work, I have a bathroom I'm proud to let guests use. If we had any guests of course which luckily at the moment we don't. I have also cleared my wardrobe as I promised you guys I would and I have also cleaned the fridge. I also after much effort and nagging managed to sort the dining room, not as much as I wanted to but a beginning at least. So the only 'problem area' left is the garden, that I cannot tackle on my own - gone are the digging and weeding days for me. I also cannot erect the new fence but to be honest we can't enjoy our garden from our house anyway as we don't have the luxury of patio doors so as I can't see it, it doesn't matter to much. But I must do something because I would love to sit in it and enjoy the peace.....

Peace? Who am I kidding, the kids next-door have a trampoline and you have never heard kids as noisy, honestly they only seem to have two volume settings - loud and louder. We cannot sit in our garden, nor in fact use the back of our house because of it. Every morning between 6/7 am they start yelling and we don't get a break unless they go out at 8:30 on a school day often screaming as they go. I raised two girls, probably the same kind of age gap as well but my pair did not behave like they do. Screaming, crying, stamping and running about all days all hours - it's intolerable to me let alone Jon, as our house often shakes as they stamp, yet if we say anything we are afraid it will only become worse or the adults may start a campaign against us. That's the trouble these days not many kids or adults are respectful of each other, it's so rare to hear a child say please and thank you. A short while ago in my local newsagent a little boy did say thank you as he was handed his change. He was so polite it made me look up from what i was doing and congratulate his mum as to what a lovely little chap he was, but didn't it used to be the rude ones that stood out? As opposed to the polite ones? Shame really as I firmly believe that we are storing up a lot of trouble for ourselves in years to come as a lot of kids these days don't seem to have the fear of anybody let alone respect anything, that's a scary prospect in my book.   

There isn't a muscle in my body that doesn't hurt today, that's the thing about fibromyalgia the pay back for doing anything on a slightly better feeling day is horrendous. I worry about this a lot. I really have to weigh up if its worth doing anything at all even on the odd day when I feel a bit brighter as I know for a few days after I will really hurt. My fairy god mother moved out years ago mores the pity so I don't really have much choice do I? If by any chance she comes again I wouldn't want to go to a ball or a night club in a posh frock - even with the prospect of a new pair of shoes, but I would quite like someone to give me a hand and couple of hours indoors with a paint brush....

Lots of you loved my last post involving my daft cat Horace and his squeaky little friend. Horace is actually only here because we have had so much trouble with mice in the past. We live very close to the railway line and at this time of year we do seem to get a lot of  mice running about. Last year was the worst and to be honest it neatly broke me....so that's why I went and got the H (also for Jons PTSD). He was away somewhere and he had set all our traps in our kitchen before he left. I was actually not happy as I would rather he hadn't. I told him that if anything was caught in them I wouldn't be able to deal with it. He said he would sort when he returned from his trip. I avoided the kitchen in the evenings and had invested in a rather large lidded plastic box in which I kept our bread etc so at least that would be untouched. So imagine my horror when I crept into the kitchen in the morning and found a mouse doing a very good Ben Hur 'chariot race' impression as it dragged itself all over the kitchen floor whilst its back end remained on the trap. I screamed the house down flung open the front door and yelled for help! - by chance just as a rather attractive policeman was walking past. I begged him to rescue me but he looked rather taken aback at the time. There I was, a mad woman, only dressed in a tshirt quite hysterical. On the doorstep he informed me he 'dealt with drugs burglary and car theft'  not mice but if i promised not to tell anyone at the station he would help. He saved the day (catch and disposal) and I probably made his - its funny now looking back on it now - he must of told all his mates about this mad bint who had accosted him whilst he was on his rounds. It was about then I decided that I was going to declare war on the rodents and I was going to get the best mouser possible. A few weeks later we had the H but so far all he does is fetch them and bring them to me to play with ??? No words can describe this so we have to teach him its not my idea of a game as he had another the other night in the hall........sending me shrieking up the stairs..........

Oh here we go again - more stamping as the kids next-door have yet another tantrum I'm surprised you can't hear them ......

Today ....well its been a painful day in more ways than one x

Tester pots, pom-poms and mayhem

Jobs it appears are like buses you get sod all and then two come along at once.... 

I have looked at the pros n cons of both and I am taking the one with less money but nicer hours. So no more late's or weekends for me for a while anyway as I will begin a new adventure - I'm not aloud to tell you what I will be doing as its a secret lol - no really I can't say but I can tell you its a totally new field for me with no selling at all! That's the best bit I think I must of wowed them in my interview as I've never done anything like this before but I think my daft sense of humour may have helped, when I was asked how I would deal with a challenging customer I replied I always swear at them this bought the house down and I think it sealed the deal.

So far after my adventure in hobby craft I have made the grand sum of two pom-poms! Not a lot no but a beginning I think and they look great sitting on top of my chest of draws. I just now need to think what I can do with them - I may well leave them where they are as they are kinda cute if a little impractical.

The worst thing to happen this week involves Horace our Bengal-cross male pussy cat who we both love so much. This week he has started earning his keep at last - the day before last I was watching 'pointless' on TV when in he walked in to the lounge complete with squealing mouse hanging out of his mouth. It wasn't nice I will tell you! He dropped it on the floor at my feet and it ran under the sofa and out the other side and into our hall. There is something about mice that turn me into a complete girl! Hysteria central I was as Horace chased this poor creature up and down the hall. I sat on the sofa legs above my ears (not easy at my age) whilst I dialled everybody I knew who could rescue me, until I found a kind soul who appeared 10 mins later. He turned up on my door step with a tea cup and saucer? Something I still don't understand and he proceeded to try and rescue the mouse. Unfortunately he wears a knee brace which squeaks when he moves so I was actually close to tears by this point as I was unsure what noise was him and what was the mouse! I can actually hear you all laughing!! It wasn't funny. The mouse escaped into our skirting board and I half expected him to wave as he vanished but - personally I was glad he had. My friend then said his goodbyes but I spent the rest of the evening with one eye firmly fixed on the floor. I still don't understand why he bought a bone china cup and saucer? I forgot to ask him in all the mayhem - He is funny really.

I am relieved I have secured work - honestly I am but I really am enjoying being at home with my cat and my house is beginning to look clean again. I've done my wardrobe as I wanted to - I've sent at least twenty bags to the charity shop. I've dusted hoovered and polished everything, even taking down the nets - it's kind of like living in someone else's house at the moment as its so clean. All I want to do now is the bathroom - so 'in a bit' I'm off to our local DIY store where I will look at the different colours 'again' and bring home patches/tester pots so Jon can refuse them all and ask for duck egg blue AGAIN the answer will be no of course and we will wait another 6 months but I am going to try...

Wish me luck 

Today it's been a cold day with a touch of humour x    

Friendships and lies

I have been doing a lot of research into other people's blogs over the last couple of days. A lot of different types from 'make-up' recommendations to some really disturbing all or nothing personal experience ones. A lot of them have more photos than words and I feel that as mine appears to be mainly words i am going to be working on maybe adding pics etc but for now I am sticking to the same format. Thanks to you Sal ... Sal incase you are wondering is a dear friend I met on twitter - she has persuaded me to continue for the time being at least, so thanks bird you won.....I'm still blogging ....

Friendships are a difficult subject for most of us to understand ....I've made friends over the years when at school college, gym etc,  but mostly within the work place and at the time they were so important but once either of us left that environment or work place thats it. maybe also after the initial catch up sessions we both realised the lesson that the only real reason we were friends was because we worked together and that all we had in common was our hatred for our boss/team leaders. is this to be expected? a natural occurrence to most people? Then again when however you have to explain such things to an Aspie such as Jon its hard. I've tried so many times to explain that people are not necessarily lying to him if a promise has been broken and that with the best will in the world sometimes people cannot do everything they say they will. But the disappointment is etched on his face every time it happens within his work environment.

I have visited the hairdressers and each time I build up a relationship with him or her and they assure me they will not be leaving, that they are happy in that salon - so I begin to trust them and ask for them personally  each time i visit and slowly they begin to understand what I mean when I say 'half an inch' only to find on my next visit they have left and nobody will say where they have gone! It's a difficult lesson to learn especially for Jon so its just as well he is bald...... but seriously when it comes to work it is so important to him he really cannot understand why everybody else doesn't feel the same about it. I have tried to explain most people 'work to live' not 'live to work' as he does 24/7. This he finds difficult - hard when he lets someone in to his world work wise and they dare to want to leave to pursue other projects - to him it feels like a dagger in his back and this he views as a very personal act against him. I've tried to explain each time that this isn't the case but he feels it 100%. If by some miracle we won the lottery I honestly believe he would work just as hard as he does now, I don't think he would change in the slightest. He would still worry about dead lines and would sit up all night trawling the Internet trying to read reviews of products before he buys them and we would have to look for bargains in the supermarkets. 

When we first got together we would get up really early on a Sunday morning and go and visit a large car boot sale a few miles from home. We loved the bargains, the fact we never knew what we were going to see and the fact we could make £10 go such a long way! Many things made there way into our place, books, CDs - you name it. We at one point or another bought it and our house quickly began to look like something or at least the  beginning of one of those dreadful hoarder houses that seem to crop up on TV now and again. We had a large collection of South Park figures I remember but over our time we learnt that we couldn't keep so much so most of it went the way of the charity shop. She was some snotty bint I remember who I vowed never to return to and have since found a different charity and a grateful shop manager who loves receiving parcels from us and often does. 

Friendships unfortunately cannot be taken to the charity shop once you no longer require them. You have to realise that not all people are as worthy of your attention as others and you have to learn that the good friends are worth the effort to keep in touch with. I have just or am just beginning to learn that one for myself and when I've learnt it I can try and explain it to Jonathan but that is going to be a difficult one to explain as its still so very hard  even for me ...... Let alone him 

Today has been a long day x

13yrs and no gold watch but a lot of laughs

Those of you who really know me will already know this but 13 yrs ago today I threw Jons push bike into the back of my silver mondeo and drove off towards his flat. It was pouring with rain and I felt sorry for him. We sat outside his flat chatting for ages before he got out retrieved his bike and arranged to go out for a drink a few days later. It seems such a long time ago yet strangely in others just yesterday. We've come a long way in that time, we've laughed and cried and probably secretly planned each others murders (I know I have) but we are still together and we still care enough to fight occasionally. That last statement is true in my opinion - how many people do you know who don't? They sit silently doing their own thing and do not really understand what is going on in their partners heads. With me a lot of it I would actually prefer not to know as its a weird mix of Steven King and reversed reality but I'm still here all the same. 

At what point do you give up on a relationship? At what age do you become to old to wipe the slate clean and start again? And how much of wanting to do this is purely for selfish reasons when in actual fact the grass is not necessarily greener on the other side despite how much it appears to have been weeded. I have seen friends who have seemed to have such exciting sparkly lives, complete with 'made to measure' curtains and 'perfect children' suddenly reduced to tears when they realise that their perfect daughter will probably smoke a cigarette, bunk off school at least once and will shout 'I wish I was an orphan' when you ask her to tidy up her bedroom at 12. All of this has happened to me with mine but they have developed into decent adults despite a few traumatic years in-between, all the same.

I was bought up correctly by parents who explained marriages were bloody hard work, life was not a Disney movie and that towels don't actually hang themselves back up. A degree of patience is needed and most things can be solved if not, at least helped with a sense of humour. My mum and dad laughed a lot and I always envied that as I missed laughing in my first marriage. Once I had met Jon and he managed to lift me into his kitchen sink before turning on the cold tap shouting 'washy bum bum' to my near hysteria I actually realised just how much! And to be honest we haven't really stopped laughing since. Suddenly with one look he can reduce me to giggles - we can be on a train and I know what he is thinking and he does me. The initial excitement tummy turning weak knee'd feelings have been replaced by a feeling of security, a feeling of belonging and a feeling of achievement as finally after all the years of misery I have someone who 80% of the time I like spending time with - I think 100% is possibly a bit much to ask for eh?

Don't get me wrong this isn't a Mills n Boon lifestyle choice - I do like the occasional night out with girl friends and The odd shopping trip with my daughters but a lot of my friends who lived life 'through their kids' suddenly find themselves married to a guy they know  nothing about. A guy who they once had feelings for before they then became so involved with cubs, guides and gym clubs they lost all interest.... that in my opinion is sad. It's so important to see each other as individuals not just parents. To make time for each other as well as with the kids this is something that we did as we both had the foresight to do as we had both learnt that lesson the hard way.

So today it's our anniversary of being together 13 years and we waited 9 years before we married as we both didn't see the need and my dear departed mum in-law is the reason we did at all in fact. I knew then that it was not necessarily going to be bathed in the rose coloured glow most young people expect and once they have their perfect day in a long white gown things are a lot harder and then the real work begins....

Maybe they should realise that earlier......

Today has been a good day x 

A crafty beginning

Hello again .....

I've spent a lot of time thinking this week and most of it about this blog where I have been very honest and open about my private thoughts and feelings. Some of this I possibly should not have done. After a rather nasty experience this week I really did consider not writing anymore as I kind of feel too expose so much of myself is rather foolish and I really don't wish complete strangers to know so much about me. It's easy while writing to imagine it's a diary only for your attention as I used to do many years ago. But this diary will not be hidden under my bed and locked with a key hidden in my knicker draw as its read in America and Russia and by people who don't know me nor will ever meet me. I haven't decided yet how I am or indeed if I am going to continue writing so openly which seems a shame as the one thing people have fed back is it is so honest - but like I said we will see......

Now enough of that as It seems I have secured another job! I don't start for a few weeks which is great as I need some time to recover and kick back a bit - maybe a few weeks to rest up and see all my dear friends who I have lost touch with. Loosing my friend Amanda has hit me hard and the fact I never said goodbye due to that terrible job has left a nasty taste in my mouth. If I could turn the clock back I would have gone but unfortunately that trick is only possible in films. Her family have kept her FB account going which is obviously how they cope but to see her popping up on my updates is difficult and a constant reminder she is no longer here.

I have an iPod I love it as it's full of odd tunes and albums ranging from country to pop. Trouble is I hate iTunes and have managed to wipe it clean twice. I really love the portability of this device and the way I can take so much music with me in the car. Jon however drives me mad as he flicks through my tracks moaning as I don't necessarily down load the entire album. Some I do but how many times have you bought an album only to be disappointed with the other tracks? So I don't ........ Jon however cannot understand this. The arguments this has caused are unbelievable, the sarcastic comments of disbelief as he finds another solo song not 12 have driven me to distraction but its MY iPod and I have told him so. He has gone out and bought his own now - he has spent the last three days walking around the house looking like Mickey Mouse (head phones) transferring over 55 of his precious albums on to it and loves it! In fact he now knows more about iTunes than I do which has been an adventure of frustration for him too. Music is such a personal thing, certain voices touch my soul but may not necessarily touch someone else's. So it's probably better we have separate devices and we stick to Pink Floyd in the car - we never argue over Floyd...

I have decided to get busy this week I went along to our local craft store and purchased almost my body weight in felt, wool, buttons, thread etc and I intend to make some brooches/rings. I have a crafty streak and at one point I owned my own kiln and ran a successful pottery business but that was years ago. I really fancy making again and I intend to use the next three weeks wisely even if I wear them all myself I will be happy. The excitement of having such beautiful colours and materials is addictive and I had to drag myself out of the store before I spent to much money. The allure of those places is amazing, all the possibilities of creation are endless and the magazines full of such beautiful designs and ideas.  These always shine so bright and seem so easy but in reality when you have super glued your fingers together for the ninth time complete with cat hair and the last bead you needed is under the sofa where the cat is headed things are not as exciting and you wish you had not started in the first places - well kind of......

I may paint the bathroom this week

I may tidy up the garden

I may sort out my wardrobe and I may even sort out the spare room. 

All these things need doing 

Our fence is hanging off and we now have an imposed full view into our dreadful neighbours kitchen and the antics that happen late at night. The garden is full of weeds, bamboo and untidiness - unfortunately I really do need to find my summer dresses so even though I now have some time in which to do these things all may not happen. I'm due to start pain therapy this week and actually have another interview as well. To suddenly have some time to do such things is weird but I cannot get to like it as it will make returning to work all the more difficult. I am however excited at the prospect of a new beginning and a new adventure and the hope it is nothing like the last one that was an adventure, no scrap that, an ordeal could have done without.

It's been a long week x 

A lesson learnt ....

Well those of you who follow me on twitter already know what happened to me this week. For those who don't and for my twitter followers I will explain properly as I have a few more characters on here.

I enjoyed the training for my new job immensely, the people were kind and I probably would have been fine I just hated the role and I mean I really hated it. I couldn't sell a rain coat to a millionaire in a downpour - I'm not that kinda gal. I hate cold callers myself such a sole destroying job but I was so unhappy at the bank. I thought I'd give it a go but after a few days I realised I wasn't suitable or pushy enough to get anywhere. I had begun to look for another job in the evenings and a few trusted twit friends had been told It wasn't working for me. I hadn't even told Jonathan I wasn't looking forward to that as he worries about me so much.

I was on the top floor with a lot of other people, the view was incredible but its a long way up and often one of the two lifts was out of action. This made me nervous as in a fire I would be in trouble. There was no way I could get down all those stairs , so I had to say something or did I ?.....

If you are disabled this is the big question you ask yourself the minute you apply for a job 'do I tell them?' They always ask - usually its on the application form somewhere between sexuality and religion. So what do you put .....you see your damned if you do and damned if you don't....

Some of you will tell me it doesn't affect your application and that employers are not allowed to discriminate but some of you know different. It's a horrific realisation that it will probably affect it quite badly and if like me you take regular pain killers you would be almost defiantly a liability therefore you probably won't even get an interview. I learnt this the hard way a few years ago when I lost the opportunity to work somewhere I really wanted to because I was honest and admitted I was a chronic pain sufferer. You could see the 'welcome to the firm' grin almost melt in front of my eyes as he made excuses and left the office leaving his secretary to inform me a letter would be in the post. It's very difficult to know precisely what to say I work bloody hard and have worked since I was 17 and am very proud of this. I am unable to walk far that's all. As long as I can stretch my legs often and am able to write things down whilst dealing with customers (memory training) I perform well.

So what do you do ? I don't know the answer to that question yet not 100% I suppose it varies as to the company involved as some are fab at diversity issues. I got the best support I have ever had at the bank that wasn't the reason I left. But unfortunately not all companies are as understanding as they were and not forgetting that I became ill whilst working for them (not related to my job), so I believe they had a duty of care towards me. I was spoilt in that respect but there were other issues that made me unhappy which in the end out weighed the support I was receiving. This is a decision I do not regret even in the position I am in now.

I was asked if my disability would stop me doing my job when I applied for this position. I answered no as that is the truth - it wouldn't however I was not aware of the location of the office at this point so it was a horrible surprise on my first day. The worry actually made me ill, that and the fact that by then I knew i had made a dreadful mistake - so I spoke to my manager as I had seen a sign to say a fire drill was imminent and told her that I couldn't walk down all those stairs. I was asked why i hadn't told them at interview and I replied I was asked if anything would affect my role and that there was no mention as to the location of the office this appeared to be the correct reply as I was told an evac chair was available. 

The following day I was unwell, I had some sort of a tummy upset that I suspect was bought on by worry due to the conversation the previous day and late that afternoon I was told not to return - via my agency as apparently my attendance was not at an acceptable level. I had already decided to leave and I was able to take comfort in that but the day after I had told them about my disability a coincidence? You decide for yourself ........ 

So I find my self applying for roles again, I'm not upset more relieved - Jon has been great and we will manage we have worked on my CV and signed up to a few agencies. I have emailed a lot of applications and I'm sure I will find something. I will not take just anything this time though I will hang out for the one position that I will be happy in. Ideally it would be local and supportive and I will perform well for them. I have to be happy at work at the end of the day you spend more hours at work than at home so its really important to be  happy and settled. I have NVQs in customer service a brilliant work ethic and within me a wealth of experience someone out there will give me a chance and for that I will reward them with loyalty and honesty.

My twitter followers have again kept me going this week. The support and encouragement I have received has been fab and at times overwhelming thank you from the bottom of my heart, so many times in the past I was unwell, lonely and in pain. I was desperate for a chat or a friendly word  unfortunately twitter was not available then but it should have been, life would have been so much better. 

My best friends in my iPhone are as always fab

I've learnt a lot this week x

Felt pins and perfume.

It's been a mixed up kind of week - good and bad in equal measure. The sun has been shining and the added luxury of a bank holiday weekend as well. Unfortunately the weather has caused a lot of people who probably shouldn't, to expose mountains of white flesh! I always find this hysterical but a sure sign our summer is on its way. It's been a bit of a long time coming but I'm really hoping for a good one.

Yesterday we briefly popped into town and I seized the opportunity to nip into my local department store to smell, touch, and spray all the beautiful perfumes - this is my guilty pleasure and I always do it. There is something kind of special about a spray of the most expensive scent for free, I think 'free' makes it smell better as well to be honest. Jon refused point blank to come in so I knew I had to be quick so I opted for my favourite -  Jimmy Choo - quick spray and out smelling gorgeous or so I thought...... 

I was greeted by a sniff and he curled up his nose like he had just emptied the cat litter tray. I was slightly irked to say the least but its my fault I should have realised. He finds most smells over-powering and I was promptly informed it was not a pleasant feeling. On the way home he asked for all the windows in the car to be opened and he held his nose. When I complained I was told it smelt like 'toothache' - how on earth am I supposed to translate that into my one dimensional brain? I therefore decided to leave my secret spraying to when I'm out with my daughters or alone. I ran a deep bubble bath and washed the whole lot off - so all I smelt of afterwards was soap.

These things after twelve-ish years shouldn't upset me really now, but they do. I miss air freshener, especially those foot ones for the car! I miss the plug in ones indoors and I miss the expensive room sprays at Christmas. I still use them occasionally when Jon is away though. I wonder do other Aspies hate some smells too? Or is it just mine. I love the smell of bread cooking or the smell of my ironing (when I do it) or the smell of dogs paws? (Yes it's strange but true) smells are a major part of my world including posh scent. Summer barbecues are another thing guaranteed to make me want one but its not so kind to my washing.

How would we both feel if He lived as me for a week and vice versa? Who would cope better? This is a subject that fascinates me. I don't think he could cope in my world, I think he would find it boring and if I had to spend time in his world maybe I'd totally loose it. So what is the better option? Neither of us REALLY understand how it is for the other and if we worry too much it would all become a chore. If I had to plan everything and always did the same things over and over again I would go crazy. Jon and I just work, its a carefully balanced mix of crazy and consideration. Most marriages are like this - my parents have two lounges! ....but I won't go that far not yet anyway. 

Today I watched The Life of Pi, I was very impressed and surprisingly moved. The bond formed between Pi and the tiger was beautiful, it has made me long for a bond like that. The kind of connection you get with an animal but our cat Horace has a bond with Jon! They are inseparable and Horace has defiantly calmed him down. 

I spent a lot of time this week trying to down size my wardrobe and all the lovely colourful things I have collected over the years. I did manage to fill a bin liner with unwearables but in doing so found lots of things I haven't worn in ages - Including some thinner cardigans. these needed cheering up so in the car we got and took a little trip to HandMade Studios in Rowlands Castle. A couple of 'bought' felt pins later and I have a revived summer wardrobe. I am very proud of my clothes and have rather a lot of them. I love getting up in the morning and choosing what to wear. Mixing and matching items and hopefully choosing a different outfit everyday. Somehow it's me and yes it maybe shallow but its the one thing that I won't let my fibromyalgia spoil. The tablets have made me gain a little weight which I am trying to loose but my heels, skirts and skinny jeans are staying as are my perfumes but just for when I go to work in future - as it's to expensive to just wash off......

Today has been a long day x